Call for Submissions: American Epitaphs

 

Grave Marker Macabre: the new feature “American Epitaphs” seeks to collect imagined tombstone inscriptions (written from a pseudo-posthumous viewpoint).  The epitaphs can range from the solemn to the sardonic (think of the oft-cited line found in Key West Cemetery: “I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK”).  I want to be impressed by your creativity and ingenuity, your wit and wordplay.  Reminder: you’re composing the epitaph of an anonymous, fictitious figure (i.e. not your own prospective epitaph or that of any real/historical person).

 

LENGTH: Your submitted epitaph should not be longer than a tweet (140 characters or less).  Remember the context: space would be limited on the ostensible headstone engraved with this sentiment.  So think of it as writing micro-poetry, and make those words count!

 

PUBLICATION SCHEDULE: I aim to publish a handful of epitaphs within each American Epigraphs post here at Macabre Republic.  The more quality submissions I receive, the more often the feature will run.  I would love to build up to the point of a regular weekly schedule (comparable to the Sunday offerings at PostSecret).

 

PAYMENT: Publication and link.  The byline will appear in the form of “—submitted by First and Last Name, from City, State,” with your name serving as a hyperlink to your blog or website.

 

HOW TO SUBMIT: Email me at minimonkjoe[at]aol[dot]com.  Subject line should read “SUBMISSION: AMERICAN EPITAPHS.”  No cover letter necessary; just place your submission (epitaph and byline) in the body of the email.  Multiple submissions are fine, but a writer can only have one accepted epitaph appear per post.

 

RESPONSE TIME: An acceptance or rejection email will be sent within one week.  Upon acceptance, I will ask you to provide the URL for your blog/website (you don’t have to worry about including it with your original submission).

 

To get a better idea of what I am looking for, consider this list of imaginary epitaphs that I have composed:

 

STARVING ARTIST, DEDICATED TO HIS CRAFT

 

SO LONELY I COULD DIE

 

AND STILL YOU ARE WALKING ALL OVER ME

 

TROUBLE THINKING INSIDE THE BOX

 

UPSKIRT SHOTS: ALL I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO THESE DAYS

 

THE REGRET METASTASIZED (NO CURE FOR SOUL CANCER)

 

HEY BUDDY, GOT A LIGHT?

 

WOULD KILL FOR A MANICURE RIGHT ABOUT NOW

 

SIMPLE PROCEDURE, MY ASS

 

HOPING TO HELP BREAK THE WORLD RECORD FOR A ZOMBIE WALK SOMEDAY

 

OMERTA: I MEANT IT

 

SHOULD HAVE TRUSTED MY GUT

 

SOMEBODY UPDATE MY FACEBOOK STATUS

 

TRIED SO HARD TO GET AHEAD IN LIFE
GOT THIS HEADSTONE IN DEATH

 

TIL DEATH DO US PART, I PROMISED
NOW GIVE ME SOME SPACE, WOMAN

 

TO THE CONQUEROR WORM GOES THESE SPOILS

 

GOT BEHIND THE WHEEL PICKLED, ENDED UP EMBALMED