American Epitaphs

[For submission guidelines, click here.]


Here they are, twisted citizens: the first batch of accepted epigraphs (i.e. imagined tombstone inscriptions written from a pseudo-posthumous viewpoint):


EMULATED HEMINGWAY
ATE A DOUBLE BARREL
DIED HAPPILY

--submitted by Nathan Pettigrew, from Clearwater, Florida



IS IT TOO LATE TO BE CREMATED?

--submitted by Margaret Glover, from Plaistow, New Hampshire



ORGAN TRANSPLANT
NOW NEEDED ELSEWHERE

--submitted by Daniel Pointer, from Kansas City, Missouri



NEVER GOT AROUND TO THOSE
OTHER SALINGER BOOKS

--submitted by Kurt Gottschalk, from New York City



MISSED TERRIBLY BY MY WIFE 
    THEN SHE RELOADED

--submitted by Matthew Wilson, from Wolverhampton, UK



I'LL BE HOME FOR HALLOWEEN

--submitted by me